does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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