Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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