I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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