I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
