whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well you can't waste a boner
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
