And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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