I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
