I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
