Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
