for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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