I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Vodka?
Forever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
