I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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