He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk is not a location!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
