...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
