Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
