when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
