She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
