I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
