You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
