even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
