you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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