About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
