I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
