come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
