I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
