K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
