Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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