I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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