Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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