Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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