I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
