When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
