Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
