so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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