sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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