i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
