: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Where is the hickey?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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