So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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