I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
