She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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