Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
