I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
