His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
