Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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