I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Alive.
So much puke
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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