a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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