i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
