We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize