so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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