my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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