Whod you bang
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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