every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
