Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
