My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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