i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
