Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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