i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
