if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize