Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
