my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
