Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
