Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
