I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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