I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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