I think i peed on brittanys purse
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
