I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
