Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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