Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize