apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize