I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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