Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
