toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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